Musings Nitecruzr Net

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Saturday, 14 November 2009

West Virginia Ghost Story

Posted on 10:35 by Unknown
This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the low country of West Virginia - and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.

A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a really dark night in the middle of a thunder storm.

Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped.

Wanting a ride really bad, the guy jumped in the car and closed the door, only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel.

The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.

The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into the marsh and he would surely drown, when just before the curve, a hand appeared through the driver's window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take, and jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped the bar, and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and was not just some drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other:
Look Bubba, there's that idiot who rode in our car when we were pushing it in the rain.
Read More
Posted in Horrified, Reminiscent, Surreal | No comments

Saturday, 7 November 2009

The First Woman

Posted on 08:50 by Unknown
One time in the garden of Eden, Adam was out hunting for food for the two of them.

Adam finally came home late at night. Eve said
Adam, where have you been so long?


Adam said
I have been out hunting and gathering food.


Then Adam said
You know, Eve, that you are the only one in Creation.


That night, after Adam fell asleep, she counted his ribs.
Read More
Posted in Allegories And Fables, Pragmatic, Reminiscent, Women | No comments

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Excellent Trade

Posted on 17:27 by Unknown
Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes and says:

Nice pigs, sir.


The President replies
These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.


The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes and says,

Excellent trade, sir.
Read More
Posted in Allegories And Fables, Government In Action, Politicians, President, Wistful, Women | No comments

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Heavenly Beliefs

Posted on 10:03 by Unknown
Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama go to heaven,

God addresses Al first
Al, what do you believe in?


Al replies
Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve my country. And I've come to understand that now.


God thinks for a second and says
Very good. Come and sit at my left.


God then addresses Bill
Bill, what do you believe in?


Bill replies
I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.


God thinks for a second and says
You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.


Then God addresses Barack
Barack, what do you believe in?


Barack replies
I believe that you're in my chair.
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Posted in Heaven, Politicians, President | No comments

Friday, 24 July 2009

Save The President's Life

Posted on 17:30 by Unknown
The new President was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said
I want to go to Disneyland!
Barak said
No problem, I'll take you there on Airforce One. You can have the entire park to yourself for one whole day.


The second kid said
I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.


Barak said
I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them and spend an afternoon playing ball with you!


The third kid said
I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and WiFi LAN!


Barak was a little perplexed by this and said
But you're not handicapped.


The kid said
I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!
Read More
Posted in Darwin Award, Pathetic, Politicians, Pragmatic, President, Techie | No comments

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? #2

Posted on 21:04 by Unknown
»http://www.youtube.com/v/ge4WC23koG0

It's not a KK, probably better (in the eyes of the customers there, anyway).
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Posted in Animal Tales, Food, Reminiscent, Surreal, Video | No comments

Sunday, 3 May 2009

Nectar Of The Gods

Posted on 18:40 by Unknown
»http://www.youtube.com/v/DJVtFpZl7-Y

What more need be said?
Read More
Posted in Dreamy, Food, Reminiscent, Video | No comments

Friday, 20 February 2009

A Word Of Advice To Those Seeking Technical Advice - Or Burying Us In Detail

Posted on 09:03 by Unknown
»http://www.youtube.com/v/0OnpkDWbeJs

I'm a techie, and I'm pretty good at giving technical advice, in the subjects where I provide advice. Like many techies, I'm not always as patient as I'd like to be.

Sometimes, my advice includes mild (or even blatant) ridicule. If I ridicule you, in the process of asking you for details about your problem, or I advise you to ask for help in a more conventional manner, please don't take my remarks personally.

When you ask for advice in an open forum, you will not always get the respect that you might get in more protected society. Free advice has a price.

Lighten up, Francis.
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Posted in Advice, Pragmatic, Quotations, Video | No comments

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Sharp Sticks

Posted on 10:41 by Unknown
Advice given in another forum, far, far away.
If it hurts every time you poke yourself in the eye with a sharp stick (AOHell), the obvious solution is to quit poking yourself in the eye with a sharp stick (AOHell).
If you absolutely MUST poke yourself in the eye with a sharp stick (AOHell), then feel free to seek assistance from the maker of the sharp stick (AOHell).
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Posted in AOL, Masochism, Pain, Pathetic | No comments

Sunday, 4 January 2009

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Posted on 14:22 by Unknown
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it wartime for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here. DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken doesn’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Read More
Posted in Allegories And Fables, Animal Tales, Food, Humourous, Politicians | No comments
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