If Unix Provided Airline Service

All of the passengers bring a piece of the airplane, and a box of tools, with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together.

Eventually, the passengers split into groups and build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name.

Some passengers actually reach their destinations.

All passengers believe they got there.

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Philadelphia #2

Team owner Jeffery Lurie had put together the perfect team for the Philadelphia Eagles. The only thing missing was a good quarterback.

He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl victory.

One night while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghani soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away. Then he threw another from 50 yards down a chimney, and finally hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour. "I've got to get this guy!"

Lurie said to himself "He has the perfect arm!"

He brings the young Afghan to the States and teaches him the great game of football ...sure enough the Eagles go on to win the Super Bowl (OK, This Didn't Really happen!). The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother. "Mom,"he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl. "I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You deserted us.You are not my son." "Mother, I don't think you understand," pleads the son, "I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world!"

"No! Let me tell you," his mother retorts, "At this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"

The old lady pauses then tearfully says,

"I will never forgive you for making us move to Philadelphia !"

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What Would You Do?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her terms first.

The old witch stated she wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked, and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, & made obscene noises. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, stealing himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened?

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during ! the day ....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is hidden. But - make your choice before peeking. To see the answer, highlight the area indicated, by clicking the mouse and dragging the cursor between the arrows.

The answer is here ==>Noble Lancelot said that he would allow her to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.<==

Now - what is the moral to this story? To see the answer, highlight the area indicated.

The answer is here ==>If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.<==

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Digital Cameras And Durability

Next to the cell phone, the digital camera has to be one of the most fascinating inventions of the last 10 years. In the same category as the microwave oven.

Only those who have ever used an analog chemical film camera can truly appreciate how great it is to take a picture, and see what you've taken within seconds. Not to mention being able to immediately upload it to the Internet, and to this blog. And of course $2.00 or so for a pair of batteries that give you 100 photos or so, as opposed to $10 / 24 film photos ($5 for the film, another $5 for the film processing).

All in all, digital cameras totally rock.

So how durable is a digital camera? Newspaper photographer Don Frazier found out the answer to this question recently.

>> Blast Destroys Camera, Flash Card Survives

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Of Imagination And Driving Tests

State Of California - Driving Test Answers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shite faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.

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RIAA

I thought that extortion was illegal in this country. Whatever happened to the concept of due process of law?

>> RIAA Do It Yourself Court System

This is totally out of control.

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Squirrel Removal

(Notice I have no idea if any squirrels were harmed during the making of this video).
»http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=f5d_1172741350
But who cares?

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To Be 6 Again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

I'd like to be six again

she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked

Well Dear, what was it like being six again??

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

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