Tech Support - College Style

Hello Tech Support - may I help you?

Yes, well, I'm having trouble with my word processor program.

[Instant voice-recognition: I know it's a particularly ditzy blonde professor with whom I have had prior dealings.]

What sort of trouble, Dr. B?

Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Went away?

They disappeared.

And it went rapidly downhill, from there.

(See The Full Story, if you wish - since the Jump Break below may not work).
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More Things That Make You Say "Oh F***"

»http://www.youtube.com/v/Ge9VfALthLI

Maybe this guy is a fan of the "Jackass" movie series?

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Diagnosis And Treatment

A guy goes to the doctor, and reports pain, all over his body.

Doctor, doctor, I hurt all over!

If I touch my face, it hurts.

If I touch my chest, it hurts there too!

If I touch my knee, the same!

The doctor checks him out, and puts a splint on his finger.

You have a broken finger.

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Anybody Want Ice Cream?

In honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor - "Barocky Road".

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken from the cone, and given to the person in line behind you, at no charge to them.

You are left with an empty wallet and no change, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream.

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My First Trip To New Yawk City

Long years ago, I was young and innocent.

I had heard for years, how psychotic New Yorkers were. I vowed to never go there, because I can't stand harsh treatment.

One day, I had to go on a business trip, yes to NYC.

I was outside the hotel, and while looking for a cab, I smelled fresh bagels. Coming from the nearby bagel cart.

Yumm,

I said to myself,

but the guy selling the bagels looks like a total sleeze!

But I was hungry, so I asked him

How much?

Whadda ya want?

his reply.

Bagel and cream cheese, please, if not too much trouble, sir.

I was being as polite as I could, and I knew that he saw me as a rube, from out of town.

"Four dollar."

OK, I had cash, and I was hungry. So, I let him rip me off.

He fixed a nice fresh bagel, and loaded on the cream cheese. I think he threw in a lox too.

Then he looks at me and says

Beg.

OK, I knew that the psycho was about to cut me. He had that big ass knife too.

Oh shit.

What now?

OMG, I'm never going to get to the office either, and they will fire my ass for getting mugged on the street.

Then it got weirder.

I saw a cop watching me. Then I knew that I was in the shit.

And the cop walked up behind me.

And I addressed the bagel man, very politely

Sorry to be too much trouble, but did I not pay you enough?

And he replied, very patiently

Do ya vant it in der beg or do ya vant it in der hands?

So I said

A napkin would be fine.

And I got my bagel, and left.

And the cop said to the bagel man

Thank heavens I thought you would never get rid of dat schwartzer! I told you last week if you keep selling here, you get too many loonies from out of town!!

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Teacher Carrying Weapons Of Math Instruction Detained By TSA

A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Al-Gebra is a problem for us,

the Attorney General said.

They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said

If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.

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